its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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