I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
