More tranny stories later!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
