He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
