I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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