I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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