Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
