cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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