But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
