its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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