u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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