I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
