he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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