i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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