:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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