White coat. Heels.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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