We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Randomize
