we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
