Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
