i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
