She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
