writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
