Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
