using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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