walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
