Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
whose parrot is this?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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