i just had sex bonerless
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
