roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
