no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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