Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
