For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
