i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
