Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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