Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
