Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
