I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
