you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
