She is in my trunk
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
