I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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