I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
