my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
