I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
