If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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