is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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