she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
