so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize