The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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