my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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