I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
