well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
