Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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