If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
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