sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
