As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
