ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
