Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
