I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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