I hope mine doesn't look like that
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
