My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
