How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why do cheetos always look like penises
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
