Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
