I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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